Let us be clear: the uproar over scantily-clad models strutting down the aisles of Holy Trinity Cathedral for a fashion show, is not about God.

I’m pretty sure God has seen all those models naked before, He didn’t have to wait for them to walk into His “house” showing their asses. Also, I’m not convinced their uncovered bodies shocked Him any more than King David’s body, when he danced “before the Lord” wearing a linen ephod, which caused this bitter complaint: “How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!” (2 Samuel 6:20 NIV)

But the half-nakedness shocked us. It came as an offense to our religious feelings. It showed a lack of respect for our sense of what is holy and what is profane. Because, you see, we Christians prefer our Churches and holy places to be set apart for the praising of God and the collection of monetary offerings, tithing, bake sales and other fundraising activities…done, of course, by the fully-clothed.

I am not going to lie: I was taken aback when I first saw the clip of the fashion show (Ohhh, somebody goin and loss they wuk!) But I am not going to pretend that my personal reaction – based on my culture, history, religious indoctrination– is one and the same with God’s (after all, the man refused to stone-down an adulteress inside the Temple walls, he used to lime with whores and let them touch him, and he never used to wash his hands and thing, like a good religious fella should).

You see, the last thing this country needs is more religious hypocrisy.

Remember the big bacchanal when a priest played Mas? (“If the priest could play, who is we?”)

Remember how the drum, the chac-chac and the tambourine were not allowed in any religious ceremony? They were outlawed until 1951 and, even after, were disdained and believed to be instruments “of the devil” and those pesky Shouter Baptist people.

Remember when having steelpan inside the Church was viewed, as Roman Catholic Archbishop Gordon reminds us, as “the worst day for the local Church”?

Remember the national uproar when we girl, Wendy, spoke at a Catholic Girls’ School, even though she was pregnant out of wedlock?

Oh, and back to David. Remember when he was so hangry that he entered the house of God, ate and shared out to his friends the consecrated bread, which was lawful only for priests to eat? And remember when Jesus told this story to the Pharisees to make a point? Offending the strict letter of God’s law—even if the law gives insight into what pleases/displeases God – is not the sole determinant of God’s wrath.

Church buildings exist for man’s benefit, not God’s. To my mind, the most relevant criticism of that fashion show is that the designer broke rules laid down beforehand by the Dean of the Anglican Church. Is d-people-dem building, is their religious house, you doh walk in somebody house and break all their rules. W’happen, yuh have no broughtupcy or wha’?

But that is a matter for the Dean to deal with. To every other Armchair Bishop and Keyboard Warrior: Y’all, please, just keep calm, stop speaking for God and pray for your own soul, nah.

Talk Done.